Who are the friends in your life that show up for you when you truly need them…those people in your life with huge hearts and authenticity? The weight of life can sometimes be too much…it becomes very heavy on my heart. I guess I must set my standards too high and when they don’t get met, hearts get broken.
Because I have a huge heart; because I am extremely empathetic; because I am highly sensitive…I cannot stand opening myself up, letting my guard down, reaching out to others only to get hurt. When I face disappointment: it turns ugly, it’s excruciating; it’s often times heart-breaking.
One weakness of mine, is the intense ability to take everything I confront in life too personally. Most times I feel like the world is against me. It examines me with highly judgmental eyes. This ultimately wreaks havoc on my self esteem and trust in others.
I only want and need people in my life that are truly genuine; who are worthy of trust and sincerely reliable. When I’m having a bad day…a simple text, email, or phone call can make all the difference in the world and put a smile back on my face!
I have learned to build an invisible wall up around me. It keeps me from becoming too engaged, too exposed, too vulnerable. It keeps me from getting hurt from insensitive people.
Because of my shyness, I can’t always give completely. I can’t always express my great love and devotion to my closest friends and family. But I DO SHOW UP if they come calling. When I actually let my guard down and start feeling comfortable in my own skin, most often times I get hurt. So, again, I put up my walls…I hide in “my safe place”. I make myself small. I disappear.
For those people that I let into my life, I practice compassion. My truest friends are those that do the same. When I am with them, I know my hopes won’t get depleted. They never disappoint. They are true, beautiful beings.