The Courage To Be Me

When I have a glass or a bottle of wine, I become the unfiltered version of myself: the rawness no one ever sees, the free spirit within me!  When drinking, I can also become every wicked thought and every forbidden desire turned real.  I would love to be sober…  To be that “dream that came … Continue Reading

The Hero’s Story

We all have a Hero’s Story!   We have all overcome a pain, so great in our life, that we believe we’ll never push through.  But we do, don’t we?  We’re here today! I believe we are sometimes suffering because of our delusion of reality.  Often, I struggle with the belief that I can truly … Continue Reading

Soul Searcher!

On my journey of self-discovery and working through the “Fourth Step” in my recovery, I am ready to face my darker side.  This is the side that prevents me from loving myself and others, from letting others love me, and from enjoying life.  The purpose of this step is to begin to remove that which … Continue Reading

Beautiful Veins and Bloodshot Eyes

“She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking- she couldn’t control it, and when she controlled it- she couldn’t enjoy it.” I am on a tough, intense, and soulful journey.  A journey of self-discovery.  A journey of gut-wrenching honesty through sober eyes.  Come along with me, if you dare.  My writings and insight are … Continue Reading

Habit Yourself To The Dazzle Of The Light

In honor of the last day of summer…  My father was a child when he started vacationing in Pentwater.  Surrounded by lustrous forest on one side and the vast expanse of Lake Michigan on the other, this house he inhabited with his mom, dad, sisters, and brothers sits high atop the sand dunes and looks … Continue Reading

Scattered Thoughts On Paper!

I am desperate. I am caught. I am broken. I am fucked.  The lies I tell to those closest to me hurt the most.  Shame sets in.  Shame, anger, disgust, and heartbreak. It was just a drink! Until I am truly ready to get help, no one can say or do anything to fix me. … Continue Reading

My Journey Into A Life Of Sobriety! 365 Frickin’ Days!

Never in a million years, or at least in MY lifetime, would I have believed I could be sober for 365 days straight.  Alcohol was my security blanket, my voice, my self-esteem, my courage, my only real hope to fit in with the world.  It was a buffer to soften the friction created between me … Continue Reading

Fear and Love

Personal Notes:  March 3, 2015 I was in Steamboat Springs this past weekend, and while driving to and fro, I had much time to think and reflect.  I was listening to music from my current playlist and came across this song by Blue October.  It resonated with me…and probably would for many others, also! -FEAR- … Continue Reading

Finding A New Normal

PERSONAL NOTES: January 13th, 2015 Each year, life offers itself to me in an endless number of ways.  Each moment comes to me with gifts, adventures, opportunities, and challenges. But I seldom see the possibilities around me because I’m too caught up in my own ego; my own pity and selfishness.  This is my life- … Continue Reading

Today I Will Do Less Hiding And More Seeking

PERSONAL NOTES: OCTOBER 17, 2014 No feeling takes over our lives more suddenly or more completely than FEAR.  It seems to come out of nowhere, in a blink or a swallow, and can infect everything we do.  Fear blinds.  Fear cripples.  My fear confines me.  I curl up in a dark shell and feel suffocated … Continue Reading